Monsters In My Bed

Sometimes I cant sleep. Sometimes its insomnia...other times its the monsters under my bed. The monsters I have created with past memories that bring back pure pain. I think most girls have them...if not everyone. Remember that time so and so called you fat? Ugly? A slut? Stupid? How about a horrible person? Of course you do.

So tonight they are here again stabbing me with words. I didnt feel safe anywhere as a child and I dont feel safe from these words now. Im not sure why. It didnt turn out to be the best day today but it by all means wasnt a bad day.

I used to think it was funny that people saw me as strong...so invincible. Hah! Really everything just hurt so much that it was hard to feel anything. 

Things get better though, right?

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over the days

Chicken cut up - $5.51 - $2
Ester C - $5.41 - $1 (giving myself a break because I refused to buy Nyquil but did buy it at a non union store)
Frosted Cheerios - $4.50 - $1
Vinegar - $2 - $0 (dont think there is a such thing as organic vinegar.)
Horizon milk - $4.69 - $0

All of this stuff I got from Raleys for lunch with the boyfriend.
Pirates Booty - $3 - $0
Spring rolls - $1.50 - $1
General Chicken - $13 - $1
Rice - $4 - $1
Mountain Dew - $1.50


whew.  This wasnt all from one day but still.  There is work to be done!

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insert positive title here

Yeah it was one of those days today (yesterday.)  One of those days where you want to sit in a corner and cry and end the day by dying or having something awesome happen.

Well Im still alive so that must mean something awesome happened right?

Nope...night just got worse.

I checked out a townhouse today that is for rent by owner.  The ad said "pets allowed" just to find out that the dude was like "yeah no pets."

-_-

Sorry dude the fur kids are coming whether you like it or not.

After that little unsettling moment, I went to work...

...boy do I love work....

Well one girl flipped out at another girl, causing the other girl (a dear friend of mine) to cry and go to the point of scratching a hole in her skin.

...boy...do I love work....

I tried to get that image out of my head.  Then I got my own anxiety attack.  Money is tight, how will I keep everyone fed?  Work was kicking my butt so that wasnt fun.

Anyway...I found a pretty cute Tails plushie in the dollar claw machine.  I almost won him...ALMOST.  By almost, I mean that he fell right by the hole with his legs hanging over.

Speaking of...why does Tails have a helicopter?  I mean the coolest thing about the cute lil fox is that he can fly just by spinning his tails....







Anyway back on topic.  So after work sucking, I waited outside for my wonderful icing to my cake!  Well he said that we needed to talk.  He has a problem with moving because he doesnt have a job.

*flush* well there goes my happiness....

I begged and begged but he wont budge.  He says he just wants to stand on his own two feet.  I completely understand but how many people just get up and walk on their own?  He says he will collect unemployment.  Great!  Your half is payed for!  Sounds responsible eh?  So whats my problem you ask?

1. I HATE being alone!  
2. I waited so long to move in with him where we are now...aaannnd hes gone again.
3. Im starting to think about food constantly again.  I only eat in front of him.  No boyfriend, no food.  Sounds perfect in my head but I know it isnt right.
4. After a stressful day, I just want to talk and cuddle.  Things arent getting better any time soon.

Call it selfish, call it what you want.  There is also the fact that the front door and bathroom wall arent sealed correctly in our little shack.  He already has an ear problem exacerbated by the cold weather.  On top of being poorly insulated, water comes through!  That and we share everything.  I dont own any silverware or a bed or anything like that and cant afford one either!

So Im terribly sad.  I hope I can change his mind somehow....soon.  

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Oh happy days!

Sometimes I wonder if teachers put any thought into "randomly" assigning us fake patients or practice problems.  Today was IV catheter lab day.  We got these practice "patients" (a fake problem basically and mine was a 2lb 2oz kitten.  I looked at it and just smiled.  Oh man...imagine trying to stick an IV in this for reals!  Im sure this wouldnt be your run-of-the-mill cephalic (arm) catheter...an umbilical maybe?  So I placed my catheter on my dummy leg perfectly (thank you Banfield.  Yes I was paying attention!)

The downside to today was that I didnt trust myself.  I had everything correct the first time but didnt think that maybe everyone else just didnt do the math as fast.  I second guessed myself a bunch but wait...I was right.  My drips per second were pretty crazy although Im not sure if dead on.  However, once I found out what the machine wanted, I got that right on.  Mega win for me...the girl incredibly horrible at math!

Anyway...this week is teacher appreciation week and the front desk is giving out these little things where you can write nice things about your teachers.  I have a feeling that Ms. L and Dr. R wont get any.  This makes me sad.  Yes both are strict but isnt the real world strict too?  Ms. L isnt even that bad.  She just had to teach the hardest term and chose to be the bad guy.  Whatever.  I think she is cool.  Dr. R?  Well its her first year teaching...give her a break!  Anyway she is pretty cool too.  The one thing I really love about her is that she is into Chinese medicine.  WHAT!!?  Absolute love!  I know she thinks we all think she is crazy for the things she says but really...Im SO glad to have her come into my life.  Im glad to know that not all doctors in general practice dismiss, if not shun, holistic medicine.  I think Im going to write them all a nice love note.  Why?  Because I love all my teachers.  Yes there are things I dislike about some but in reality...they are the ones helping me set in stone my future.

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