Not so near distant future

I got up today and realized my stomach was gurgling.  I was still compelled to go hang out with old friends today till...I met up with the magical potty closet.  My friends dont mind and I have no shame but I think it is pretty rude to go and blow up someones bathroom when I knew I wasnt feeling good before I came.  This may seem irrelevant but everywhere I go for advice on starting up my little farming project, I hear "blah blah blah do it rain or shine, sick or well."  I understand where theyre coming from and I know the consequences.  Just making sure everyone else reading knows as well.  I also thought...what are my future plans besides college and a family?  What comes after?  What will be on this crazy farm I want?

I decided against a cow.  While I could provide milk for my local family and myself, it is just otherwise a bad idea.  My dearest loving boyfriend would likely drink himself sick for number one.  I dont actually drink milk.  It makes my stomach hurt for the most part.  I want a milker just to keep him from drinking my milk (which is usually hemp milk) when he is out and because it does wonders on dry hair.  Yeah you heard me right.  Yes I have used milk in my hair before.  It was wonderful!  The way it shined and bounced...oh it was beautiful.  Besides milk, I also wanted something with meat output.  We do eat quite a bit of beef (although with healthier choices, meat will be severely cut down) but eat much more chicken.  The goat meat will be for the pets.  I am leaning towards pygmies because of their lower meat and milk production.

And yes chickens!  We eat chicken, dogs eat chicken, we eat eggs...where would we be without chickens?  I hear they arent worth the work...(but neither are most things according to the people around me.)  Cows arent worth the work for us because we just dont need that much meat or milk.  But chickens?  Free range organic chickens are a pretty penny.  I have no doubt in my mind that we will be raising a crap ton of these for yums with some supplemental chickens from local co-ops.  Besides the point of growing stuff at home is to be as self sufficient as possible.  With a bunch of new people, there is no way this will happen right off the bat.  I have been leaning towards Rhode Island reds but have taken a look at leghorns as well.  Both are common in this area (along with New Hampshire reds.)

I have greatly considered owning some turkeys but not quite sure.  Where I grew up, turkeys are protected by law and are even more stupid and aggressive than normal.  They think it is ok to run in front of your car (they wont cross the street if it is empty...only in traffic) and think it is ok to kick it on your porch.  If you try to tell them otherwise, the males get all jumpy and fluffy.  They attacked our pets if we took them outside in the morning.  I told my old manager about this one day and the wild turkeys in her area (just a few miles out) were nothing like that.  If anything, theyd adopt your cat or your yard.  Our local feed store says the same thing about pet turkeys.  Apparently I just lived around some psychos or something crazy.  By the way killing them is a $500 fine.  I do hear that non psychotic pet turkeys can be very rewarding, especially around thanks giving.  I havent quite found a breed but am heading towards heritage types.

 

 A horse is also high on the list but I like things to have multiple purpose.  It will probably be for short trails and riding around the area, checking fences along with getting food to everyone.  I have greatly kinda thought about it.  I have settled on either an expensive gypsy, a cheap mustang (probably for later), or a dales pony...which would also be expensive.

And of course a dog that can actually protect the other animals from things like coyotes and cats that can protect our fields from things like reapers bunnies.

 

Of course I have my pets that are simply around for pleasure too.  I havent forgotten my current dogs, nanas dog Beau, and the dog that will be tagging along that dearest loving boyfriend doesnt know about yet.  I also still want that beautiful goldfish or koi pond.  Did I also mention that I want a few maple and oak trees as well as some rose bushes?  I know these arent pets but it is still something to take care of!

Read More..

numb

Im not one to normally express the dark side of me in a blog (well not my secrets anyway) but today Im in complete agitation so...why not?

Last night, I felt something that I havent in a long time.  It was a complete numb feeling brought on by racing emotions and pills.  It was one of those nights that was ending terribly and that one knows wont get better so I popped a melatonin and some Naproxen (specifically Aleve) and went to bed.  This melatonin I bought at Whole Foods (called Bio Align Melatonin Sleep Science) knocks me on my ass and is awesome when I have insomnia.  It makes me feel funny right before I crash though...almost like a drunk.  On top of that, I cant speak without slurring.  But hey it works!  Right before I went to bed, I thought about how much I hated life.  It was even more bitter than it was back in high school...which was worse than when I was younger.

Lets back up a bit though.  Its not like I just felt that way.  Yesterday was a pretty nice day.

I got off work and waited for the boyfriend to come get me.  I got in the car, sore as hell, and we drove off.  He was talking about this computer he wanted and how his dad was willing to go halfsies with me and make it a Christmas present.  Well we got into a little debate about some parts and he decided that I was stupid and he was going to stay rather quiet the rest of the way home.

We were going to dinner at nanas house (nana is his grandmother...grandma is mine) and he wanted to show me a list of parts that came with this deal which was conveniently located at home.  He went in to get it but came out rather upset.  Just saying, when someone goes in a house and comes out rather upset for no apparent reason, things will run through peoples heads.  It wasnt any reason important (to me at least) just that when he tried to rig his controller so he didnt have to hold down a button to cheat, it didnt want to work.

Sometimes it does work but when it doesnt, I hear about it.  In fact, I have been hearing about it for a while now.  So why was last night so important?

Ladies and gents, during my cycle, I flip out into a very very unstable angry stage.  Some women get purely emotional and cry.  I cry but only because I really want to beat everyone with a bat over and over again if they highly upset me.  Im on a pill that has caused me to emotionally cycle very rapidly.  Usually I come home at night in a depressed phase.  I always make sure boyfriend is watching...because I want him to see that Im doing this for him.  Killing myself for him.

Of course this isnt my total logical thinking.  It only happens at that time.

Back to last night.  We were on our way to nanas when he continued to scream at me and be angry.  Not a good day but he had the nerve to hand me this stupid computer list anyway.  My back hurts and he had been screaming about stupid shit like this for the past couple of weeks.  I flipped the fuck out.  So I tore the list in half and screamed back.  "Its just a stupid fucking game.  It doesnt care about you and it never will.  It only affects you because you let it."  This must have been the wrong thing to yell because he stopped and told me to get out of the car.  Apparently taking off my seat belt and trying to get out of the car was also the wrong thing because he then told me "no youre not going anywhere."

Needless to say, he didnt talk to me for the rest of the night.  Seeing as we dont have a couch and have a studio set up, I decided to knock myself out.

This morning I woke up and he was moving stuff to our new "place" (we will be staying with nana for a bit.)  Stiiilll not talking to me.  Fine whatever.  Do it yourself.  He came home and wanted me to stay home from work.  He wanted hugs and was now talking to me.  He wanted to say sorry.

He is the biggest hypocrite I have met in my entire life.  He can tell me everything Im doing wrong but God forbid if I tell him that he is overreacting.  I accidentally scratch him and my sorry isnt enough but he can call me a retarded/stupid cunt, whore, slut, bitch, or something around those lines and his apologies are supposed to be accepted.  Oh and get this.  He told me that when you say sorry youre supposed to mean it and not do it again.

fwahahaha

In short, I have been looking for places to move.  Im kind of tired of him.  It is like taking care of a 5 year old except he isnt 5...he is 21.  When I try to bring it up to him, he pouts and says "FINE."  Dont get me wrong, there are many good qualities as well but Im seriously starting to wonder if theyre even worth it anymore.

Read More..